


Conversations Between Us

by FugalGear



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Alternatively: The Entertaining Dialogue Between Jim and Sebastian, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-03-10
Updated: 2013-03-10
Packaged: 2017-12-04 21:31:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/715308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FugalGear/pseuds/FugalGear
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A consulting criminal and his sniper, and the words they exchange.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Conversations Between Us

**Author's Note:**

> These are all of the little conversations between Jim and Sebastian that have popped into my head during the last week. Enjoy! c:

“You look happy. Have a productive day?”

“Oh, please. Unproductivity seldom befalls me. The situation in Syria is all straightened out, by the way. Had a bit of a spa day, to be honest. Got a mani/pedi.”

“Did Matheson—wait. Like, your nails?”

“Naturally. Appearances are everything.”

“You’re… Christ, you’re such a fairy, Ji—ow! Did you just scratch me?!”

“They’re sharper when they’ve been filed down.”

________________________________________

 

“Remind me how this dumb game goes?”

“It isn’t dumb, ‘Bastian. It’s relationship building. One of us thinks of a question. We both write down our answer on a sheet of paper, then try to guess what the other person said.”

“Like that game show.”

“Precisely.”

“Okay… Favorite part of the other person’s body.”

“Got mine. Hurry up and write yours down, Bastian.”

“Calm down. I’m ready. What do you think I wrote?”

“My arse. What do you think I wrote?”

“My cock, obviously. No, probably not. What did you really write?”

“Your eyes and shoulders, Tiger. What about you?”

“…Eyes and shoulders.”

________________________________________

 

“Seb. Sebastian, are you awake?”

“I am now. Something wrong?”

“Not really, just… I was wondering how much of Moriarty is a persona, and how much is really me. They always said I wasn’t right in the head. I knew they were right, and Moriarty became my way of channeling all of the socially unacceptable parts of me into something powerful that I could use.”

“Doesn’t that answer your question? You are, and have always been, Moriarty.”

“I just—I don’t want to be. Sometimes I want it to be nothing more than just a persona.”

“Answer me this, then, Jim. Are you Moriarty right now?”

“…No.”

“See? Stop worrying about it. C’mere.”

“Thank you for your condolences, Sebastian, but it’s really more complicated than that—“

“Go back to sleep, Jim.”

“Maybe I would if you would stop smothering me. I can’t breathe.”

“That’s my plan. Maybe if I cut off some oxygen to that ridiculous brain of yours, you’d stop worrying about shit.”

“Hmph.”

________________________________________

 

“We are not doing body shots, Jim.”

“And why not?”

“Bad things happen when we get sloshed together. Like the time we took a joyride and crashed the Ferrari. Or when we tried to play darts. Or when I got really horny and—“

“We’re doing them, Sebastian.”

…

“Jesus Christ, Jim.”

“Mm. Bet you didn’t’ know someone could drink shots from down there, did you, Tiger?”

________________________________________

 

“I don’t care how inconvenient and out of the way it is, we aren’t going to stay in some trashy motel in a third world country. I am booking the royal suite at the Al Salam Rotana, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

“Jim, that hotel is eight hours out of our way. I’m sure you can rough it for a few nights. We’ve done it before.”

“Yes, and look how those trips turned out!”

“…I enjoyed us staying in those cheap motels.”

“Please. Only because breaking those mite-ridden beds went straight to your ego.” 

________________________________________

 

“Stop hogging the tub!”

“Get your elbow out of my face! Sorry if I’m six foot three and trying to fit in this goddamn five foot tub. Especially with you writhing around on top of me!”

“I’m just trying to get comfortable….There…. Moran?”

“Yes?”

“Do you seriously have an erection right now?”

“Well, yeah.”

“You’re such a pig.”

“Sorry boss. Can’t help it, I guess.”

________________________________________

 

“What did the doctor say?”

“He said I need to quit smoking, or else it’s just going to get worse.”

“That’s what I’ve been telling you for ages. Always smoking a bloody fag. Said it was going to catch up with you, start affecting your work…”

“I’m not quitting.”

“You’re going to get lung cancer one of these days, I bet, and when you do—“

“I’d never die in such a horrifically mundane way. Still, maybe I’ll cut back. Just in case.”

“You’re an idiot. Don’t make me worry about your health, Tiger.”

________________________________________

 

“I am a grown man. Grown men do not wear full-body Halloween costumes. Grown men seldom wear costumes to begin with. This is ridiculous, I will lose all respect, my reputation will be in shambles.”

“Don’t be so dramatic, Sebastian. It’s just for one picture.”

“I am not letting you forward a picture of me in a tiger outfit to everyone in our network. No. Absolutely not.”

“It’s a shame you so adamantly oppose the idea, love. I bought myself a cat costume.”

“So?”

“Use your imagination, sweetie. Would it help if you see the costume? It’s that package over there.”

“Christ, Jim. This is barely a costume. It’s women’s lingerie with cat ears. Will you… will you really wear this for me if I pose for the photo?”

“Of course.”

“Give me my tail. Now.”

________________________________________

 

“Oh, Seb, fuck, ahh fuck, yes, YES, ohh babe, touch me, do me, oh God…”

“Are you quite done yet, Jim? I’m trying to read. Christ, and you say I’m the disgusting pig.”

“Don’t talk. You’re ruining my wank.”

________________________________________

 

“I’m so glad that’s over. I know I said it was your turn for date night, but why’d you have to go and pick such a godawful play, Sebastian?”

“I dunno. I liked the end. The bit about not realizing life while we live it. And when Emily says that earth is ‘too wonderful for anyone to ever realize’ it. It’s inspiring, you know? Makes you want to do some soul-searching. Figure out your priorities, what’s really important, because you’re probably wrong.”

“Don’t be so philosophical, darling. It doesn’t become you.”

“Fine, fine. I just have a feeling I’ll be sleeping on those thoughts tonight. The play was a bit slow, but I liked it.”

“…Sebastian?”

“Yeah?”

“Just make sure I’m always in your priorities.”

________________________________________

 

“Ow! God damn it! Jim, will you please get over here and help? Come hold up this board!”

“No thanks, sweetie. It’s fun watching you struggle putting that shelf together. Aren’t men like you supposed to be good at building things?”

“Normally yes, but not when it’s some fucking Ikea shelf with five-hundred pieces and extremely confusing directions. Now, will you please help?”

“My hands are full.”

“You’re holding a latte!”

________________________________________

 

“If you so much as pluck a single hair from my eyebrow, I am going to fight you.”

“Oh, don’t be like that Sebby… C’mere. Let me at least get a few of them. It doesn’t hurt that bad, I do it to myself all of the time.”

“Yes, but you’re a--- nononononono. Jim, get off of me.”

“Come on, don’t be such a spoil-sport, honey. Appearances are everything!”

“For one thing, you are drunk. Secondly – Jim, get those tweezers away from my eye!”


End file.
